Search terms and things

Posted on May 18, 2012 by Lore

So I have a couple of monitoring things kinda built into the site. One of them is built into WordPress which is pretty refined and shows some pretty good stuff. Another however is built into my actual hosting which is called Awstats. Now Awstats pretty much shows everything. One of the most interesting things to look at is search terms.

Now the site was kinda recreated in May and before then I closed the forumz .etc so there’d be less hits. There’s been a couple of direct searches for the site but there was also one irregular search.

the english language is not being destroyed

I hope they found evidence in their search that the English language is not being destroyed.

Now if I go back a couple of months; every month I seem to get around the same things.

dungeon keeper windowed

what happened to electric retard?

sea manatee

inventions for mankind benefit

amphibious car

german ww2 with curved

wwii german curved barrel

german ww2 car

… and the list goes on. Some funnier than others (“sexy lore”).

What really gets to me though is the German WW2 stuff. I have no idea why that would be bringing hits here. I can’t even think of any old forum posts that could be related to.

So for future reference there is no WW2 vehicles you can buy here, I’m sorry. Especially for this post’s tags.

20120518

Status

I’m paranoid I can hear a possum in the roof. I really don’t want a repeat of last time…

Saving money and things

Posted on May 17, 2012 by Lore

Hello my single reader, I want to bounce an idea off you and see your thoughts in regards to what I can do. Pretty recently I upgraded my wallet to one that looks like a sandwich.

Now this wallet is pretty much superior to my old leather wallet in nearly every way. The only exception being I look really suspicious when leaving cafes that serve sandwiches and that it does not feature a coin pouch. This has forced me to keep coins in my pocket which I kinda hate.

To make this easier on my coin pocketing self I’ve started only pocketing the gold coins and putting the silver in a money box that has a totally rad counter on it. To my disbelief it’s already sitting around $12 with what I thought was barely any coins.

My master plan for said money box was every time it reaches $50 to cash it in at the bank and do something productive with the money; seeing as I would have only wasted it on alcohol and candy anyway. To do this I figured I’d roll a 6 sided dice and spend the money on the determined option.

Roll a 1 – Super fund
This is great because the government will actually match what you put into your fund in Australia so that’s like BAM! Just won $50 pretty much. The down side being this doesn’t make you feel that great and my super fund has a habit of losing my money.

Roll a 2 – Kickstarter
Kickstarter is a great little site which allows you to invest in independent products. Some of these products are even home grown in Australia. They range from anything to life long dreams to video game creation. Pretty high awesome factor as it’s so involved and you get to help someone out.

Roll a 3 – Donate
Probably the least exciting option is simply donating the money. More so as I don’t have a particular cause I donate to in particular.

Roll a 4 – Delicious Steak
EAT A DELICIOUS STEAK!

Roll a 5 – ‘BUT’ SHARES!

Roll a 6 – Gamble
Nothing more exciting than losing $50 because of poor judgement and bad luck!

Any better ideas then please leave ‘em in the comments; as I’d really love to hear them!

THIS BLOG POST IS SO UP-BEAT!

Meh.

Image

A pretty awkward 24 hours

Posted on May 13, 2012 by Lore

#1 Awkward Moment

Hello my pretty. So the last 24 hours has been pretty awkward and borderline homosexual. It all started at the pub with HM1 and a couple of other buddies. Breaking the seal is always a test of willpower on a night of drinking as it is – let alone when you factor in stage freight. The usual rule when using the urinals is that you don’t use the one next to someone. For example if there are 5 people peeing then only a maximum of three may pee at a time. This is also similar with a troth.

What isn’t acceptable however is when you are already peeing with 2 people and another 5 in quick succession enter the bathroom. The troth is now at maximum capacity with extras also standing behind waiting. This gives immense stage freight when breaking the seal.

Wanting to lighten the mood about how that many people at once entering had given me stage freight I decided to make a joke (also wondering if I’m going to get shanked did not help the situation). My joke however was received perhaps a little too well. I’m not sure if you’ve ever tried – but it’s not that easy to pee as a strange man massages your shoulders while others make soothing ocean sounds and run taps.

#2 Awkward Moment

The second awkward moment was that following afternoon when I received a text message from a number I didn’t know. Now my phone had recently been wiped but I had most numbers back at that point. I had also very recently given my number to a girl who I’d very much so hoped would send me a message. Now I was cautious but still a little bit flirty. A couple of hours later I had to clear my mind and double check who it was – once I guessed wrong I quickly realised who it was…

?: “Oh teehee lore you so bad, n cute teehee teehee teehee”
Myself: “OH GOD. Jack?”
?: “Oh gee, blush blush lore, I… I never knew.”

Not only was it awkward that I sent my friend a somewhat flirty message but I had also not received a message from the girl I was hoping. Before you ask; that is word for word what Jack wrote.

#3 Awkward Moment

Later that night I swung by Jack’s house and we decided to watch a movie. We decided to watch 120 Days of Sodom. Now the movie is about… you know what fuck it just look it up…

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0073650/

The day we had a pet possum

Posted on May 11, 2012 by Lore

SUP VIEWER?! So yeah my house mates and I moved in to this brand new house late last year. Let’s just call one house mate ‘HM1′ (house mate 1) and ‘HM12′ because house mate 2 is also number 1 in terms of awesomeness.

Any who the house is pretty sweet though after time we’ve noticed some things that bother us. Tiles not following the same pattern, cheap light-switches, random piece of wood and metal. Probably the worst thing however is the giant mother fucking hole above the fridge (that a builder happily left an empty V can in). Now we tended to just laugh at this hole because it was so odd, hell we sometimes embraced it because the extractor fan would blow smells from the bathroom to the kitchen hilariously!

Except one night. Now HM12 works night shift so I’m pretty used to waking up in the night and going back to sleep. Plus we live right near some train tracks – so there’s that. Around 2AM or something I heard a bang and a can being dropped. Now ordinarily I’d get up and investigate but HM12 had also just recently decided to start practicing cup flipping late at night for some reason. So I went back to sleep.

I was then woken at 4AM by HM1 and HM12 who told me there was a possum in the house. I went down stairs to check where they said it was and couldn’t find it. What I did find however was possum shit and piss everywhere. Including upstairs. This little bastard had come through the hole in the kitchen above the fridge! So we blocked in where the possum supposedly was and I said I’d look into it after I get some more sleep.

So once I gets me some sleep I go hunting for possum cages and tell the Real Estate we need a possum dude to come out. He comes around later that day after I’ve cleaned up all the shit and has a look under the counter. We try various things to get it out, including sticking my mobile in the hole and a snake cam to no avail. We decide it must have escaped somehow and he goes to leave.

It’s as he’s leaving though I notice he awkwardly spots the picture we have above the front door that I gave HM12 as an awesome gift. He looks at the photo and then awkwardly at me as if he has suddenly recognised me and that inviting him over for the mystery possum was actually a trick to rape him.

I started to question my house mates and their insanity. Had they secretly been running around the house at 2AM throwing shit everywhere?

That was until the next night when my house mate tapped me on the shoulder and asked me to turn around.

Bastard returned! Even came up stairs to creepily watch me as I did stuff on the computer! Long story short because this is already a bloody long blog post – HM1 and I captured him and finally got rid of him. We’ve patched the outside of the house but we still have a massive hole above the fridge.

Facebook – Stop taking my moneh guy

Posted on May 10, 2012 by Lore

Hello my one viewer, how you doing? Anywho. Not to boast but I write some pretty funny shit on Facebook so I’m told. I’m also told I do a pretty fucking great wedding speech that I have no recollection of doing due to alcohol. Now I may be no scientist but I’m pretty sure Facebook is somehow making a profit out of my laughs and at the same time is mocking me like a Bond villain for not knowing their plan.

Over time to be EVEN LAZIER I plan to copy over some of the more hilarious things I have written on there. Who knows – maybe I’ll include some deep insightful shit too? Hopefully over time however I will post on Facebook less and less and here more and more. As I do hate the text constraints and knowing that it’s buried in between photos of people’s babies.

Yeah I know I forgot to put a name on that third panel, what of it?

It must be pretty strange for the next generation of children that grow up. They’d be able to look up your Facebook, Youtube, Google your name or other online presence things and find out intricate things about you from when you were their age. It’d create the ultimate generation of ‘Yeah well you did THIS when you were young’ argument point generation.

In the off chance I have children in the future and they’re looking at my Facebook; I want to remind them I did their mum. Yeah, let that imagery settle in. I probably have grey hair now right? Yeah our wrinkly bodies made you! Maybe you won’t like what other fun facts you’ll find snooping around.

5th of May My Awesome Facebook

In closing I’m still not sure how often I’ll update this blog. It’s pretty easy when you just copy paste stuff you’ve already done. I’m also impressed I managed to find a font almost as bad as Comic Sans! Fun fact – there’s about three naked pictures of me on my Facebook. All of them were forced gifts to people. I’m pretty sure they enjoy them.

WRPG and things

Posted on May 9, 2012 by Lore

So what with trying to recreate Lore Industries I was looking through some old files on my FTP. Turns out I had about 5 or 6 other websites on my web space for some reason for people that I’d forgotten about. Including one about losing weight by attaching helium balloons to yourself…

Anywho! What I did however uncover was an absolute gem we made back in 2007 that I have completely forgotten about for 5 years. To quote the main page;

WRpg is a user created online text based role playing game. It’s called WRpg (Wiki Rpg) because of it’s similarity to a wiki and who wants to say UCOTBRPG anyways?

Which is essentially 100 god damn monkeys typing on typewriters!

Now you must be asking why did I not simply delete this gem? Well within my couple of minutes of playing I uncovered about 6 different storyline within one story. One where I was raped in prison, another where I was a corn farmer and another where I went on a quest to find a pirate’s treasure. The entire time I was laughing gleefully.

There was a bunch more awesome things I found but for now WRPG is all I’m going to share. For if it’s one thing the world needs – it’s more user contributed borderline erotica.

http://tgt.loreindustries.com/WRpg/

Either sign up or use the following;

User: Monkey
Pass: password

What the hell happened to Lore Industries?

Posted on May 8, 2012 by Lore

Well you must be wondering; what the hell happened to Lore Industries? I can only imagine that’s why because if you weren’t you could have simply read the title and skipped this story.

Well it’s quite simple really. I got lazy. Really lazy. I mean it’s been what 1-3 years since I actually made any content? Even then I’m pretty sure that content was a video about apologising for a lack of content. So how did it happen? How did Lore Industries turn into a god damn blog?

Well for one thing I lost Photoshop and ~~Paints~~ Flash. Personally I thought that drawing was pretty good considering I haven’t tried to draw something with a mouse in years. Also I believe the culture has changed. Back in my days sonny not everyone had a blog and our telephones used to sound like demons if you rang them while they were using the internets. For that reason I think content used to be a little bit better quality. I mean now people probably write half the shit from their smart phones. Which I plan to try…

These days everyone has a Twitter and a Facebook (I’ll come back to that) and it’s so easy to get a free WordPress account that no one actually has to learn any scripting or filter any of the shit that comes out of their brain. Plus I mean look at YouTube and Newgrounds. The content has changed there too – as everyone makes a flash about Minecraft, or a video of their own faces talking shit or some other kind of reference.

I mean even myself personally I probably spend majority of my internet time looking at videos of cats attacking people or falling off furniture. Or I’ll watch a “Let’s Play” video of a friend playing a game with me for some illogical reason. I mean let’s look at my most watched series on YouTube;

FRED AND SHARON!

Now I have no idea WHY I love this, but for some reason I do. I have seen every god damn episode – and I comment on their damn videos. Now maybe this is some kind of deep buried issue with never really meeting my grandparents. More than likely though there is just something soothing about turning your brain off and watching something that requires no thinking.

Based on this super amazing research I’m pretty sure I can write what ever the hell I like and there will be one viewer who will read every post. It is for you one viewer that I write these things too. Like a public pen-pal. I love you viewer and I intend to share my exciting stories and thoughts with you under the guise of real content.

EDIT
Also I’m about to start a grave-shift job so you can watch me slowly sink into madness.